Just things swirling

I watched President Obama's address to the students of America today. C-SPAN cleverly aired it right after airing Reagan and Bush 1's similar addresses to the students of America. I'm struggling to understand what all the hullabaloo was about. Seriously, what part of that was socialist propaganda? The "work hard because things won't just be given to you" part? Or the, "take advantage of the opportunities you have because those opportunities don't mean squat without effort on your part"? Or maybe it was that tired old socialist dogma "you don't know what you're good at until you try and you won't even be good at THAT without lots of practice". People have just gone nuts. I think it's a bitter pill for the right wing, good ol' boy, conservatives of the country to swallow that, not only do they not have their man pitching anymore, but *GASP* a minority is in control. That minority CLEARLY must be trying to brainwash the nation into moral turpitude and trying to undermine the very foundation this country was built upon. Seriously...it's almost funny to watch what incredibly poor sports and sore losers these people are. If this were a little league baseball game, they would be the parents the umps would have to throw out of the game because of their astonishing obnoxiousness! I had Keenan watch the President's address with me. Yes, I know he's only 2. But as soon as President Obama came on the screen he shouted the closest approximation of his name that he could muster and clapped along with the crowd. My point being, not only does Keenan recognize Dora and Diego, but he can spot the President too. I want him to form whatever memories he can of this time when a man who looked like him was President. I have "THE SPEECH" (dunh dunh dunh) on Tivo and plan to hang onto it. I don't know how it's a bad thing for any child, whether Republican, Democrat, Green, or Independent offspring, to be encouraged to work hard, stay in school, invest effort into oneself, and value education and opportunity by the leader of the free world.

Conversely, I was COMPLETELY SICKENED when I saw and heard the footage of Steven Anderson of Arizona actually preaching that Obama should die and leave his children fatherless and his wife widowed. This man is a Pastor. Aren't they the people who are supposed to teach faith and love? This is EXACTLY my problem with organized religion. They use the bible to justify whatever message of hate they're dishing and try to disguise it as righteousness and then point fingers at others and ask THEM "what would Jesus do"? Well I can damn well bet that Jesus wouldn't be advocating for fatherless children!!!! And the sheer IRONY in all of this is that he states it's because of Obama's views on abortion. Hunh. That's a head scratcher. Killing unborn children is wrong because according to the bible thumpers it interferes with G*d's plan and is a sin because it's murder. Sooooo...a PASTOR...is preaching to their flock (ever wonder why they call them that??? Baaa baaa) to kill Barack Obama. How exactly is that not murder? And a sin? I mean, I ain't GOT religion according to them, but I pretty much can assure you that my moral compass would tell me that would be...oh, wrong! I mean, really?? Seriously people.

On the lighter side...I made a KICK ASS Chicken Enchilada Casserole tonight. I shocked myself with how damn good it was. Even my ex husband (who is a chef by profession) was impressed and it KILLED him (but not in the Steven Anderson sense) to admit it. If he steals my leftovers tomorrow I'm gonna break his knee caps!

Why I love Furlough Fridays!

Yesterday was my first of 13 mandatory furlough days imposed upon me by my employer. At first mention of furloughs I panicked and threw a fit. That's a 5% paycut and we all know in this economic time the last thing any of us needs is less friggin money! However, now that they're here I'm learning to accept and embrace the furlough fridays. Here's what I did:

Wake up....realize I don't have to be at work so sleep for another 20 minutes.

Wake up for real and realize that I don't have to be at work so wash face, pull hair up, brush teeth and throw on some clothes. Yeah...you read right...no am shower...dunh dunh dunh!!

Rouse little monkey out of bed because, by g*d, this is MY furlough friday and his ass is still going to daycare!

Throw monkey and dog into car and drop monkey at daycare. Take incredibly happy and grateful dog to the agility field. She SOOO misses her agility. Get yucky and sweaty because it's already hot but I don't care...I didn't even shower yet.

Clean out entire car...I mean clean...I mean glove box, toy bin, under the seats, between the seats clean. Realize that the car is still disgusting and go to car wash. Vacuum the hell out of the car. It takes 5 vacuum cycles...thankfully vacuuming is now free. Waste token on stupid scent machine that didn't work. Realize car is presentable but still only average in comparison to most car owners. Get hotter and sweatier but still doesn't matter. :)

Go through every single piece of paper on my desk (if you know me then you know that's a small forest worth of paper) and throw away, put in shred box, and file what can be filed. Neatly stack stuff that can't....come on, I know my limitations. Desk clutter is just who I am.

Clean out every single bathroom drawer and cabinet in my bathroom...realize half the shit in there expired in 07 or earlier and think to myself "why the hell did I bother moving this from the old house to here...16 months ago". Throw away a ton of shit and stand in awe of all the space I have in my bathroom for more stuff!

Smell myself and realize that I can't follow through with the no shower thing. Succumb and take the best damn shower ever because 1) I didn't have to worry about where K was, 2) K wasn't in the shower with me (for a 2 year old he sure hogs the hot water), 3) I stayed in as long as I wanted, 4) I had plenty of room to shave my legs and 5) did I mention it was a K free shower? Mine, mine and all mine???!!

Do laundry...like folded and put in drawers and hung up even. Laundry usually sits draped over the back of the kitchen chairs for at least 2 days after it's washed before it makes it into the closet.

Vacuum...hear a strange noise and turn around to see the ex-husband standing there. This of course scares the shit out of me for the millionth time that he's done it. And tell me what damn good it is to have FOUR dogs anyway if not a single one of them is going to at least bark when someone comes in the house?!!

Throw husband in car and go get monkey which makes K the proudest smiliest kid ever that BOTH of us came to pick him up today.

End the night with taking K on a bike ride, roller skating and 2 dogs back to the field for open practice and realize after putting K to bed that I am DAMN exhausted and did more today than on most work days.

Look at all the stuff one can accomplish when work doesn't get in the way!

Happy Father's Day

My dad died 15 years ago. I haven't really commemorated this day in any way since then. But I decided this year that I would take stock of the man he was and remind myself what I loved about him and what I didn't.

My dad loved me. He was larger than life for so many years while I was growing up. Some of my earliest memories are me pretending to be asleep in the car after returning home in the evening from some party just so he'd have to carry me in. I can still hear the way the gravel crunched under his feet. He wore only Old Spice and used only Irish Spring soap. He loved coffee and drank it all day long. He would sometimes gross me out when he'd eat a bit of raw hamburger meat while cooking. I have NO idea why he did that. He used to walk around the house naked in the morning because he slept in the nude. This didn't weird me out because it just wasn't a big deal and I just don't think anything of it now. He was voted "The Boldest" in high school. He and my mom were high school sweethearts...she was voted "Most Intelligent." He was a Vietnam war veteran. My mom says that he came back very different than when he went and that's when all the drinking began. He was an alcoholic for all of his life. This saved me from ever thinking that I could live with another alcoholic which became helpful to me later in life. He drank Budweiser and, when he was trying to hide his drinking, he drank vodka so no one could smell it. He loved sci fi and played the movie Top Gun WAY too loud when he was drinking. He wasn't afraid of killing rattle snakes when they popped up around our house and was known to pet wild skunks and let the tarantulas walk all over him. He even had a preying mantis as a pet (he wouldn't let us do anything to it and it decided to live in our house.) When we were little, he had a REALLY mean Macaw named Mandy that used to bite him but he loved her anyway. He loved cats and didn't like dogs. He spanked me a few times...but for BIG infractions. Man, when he was in a bad mood you just did NOT want to be around him. But when he was in a good mood he would be funny and we would laugh and play cards. He thought quality time with me was taking me to the dump on a Saturday to get rid of our large garbage items or having me help him defrost the frozen water lines that ran from the well to our house in the winter. He used to let me sit on his lap and drive when we got off the main highway when I was really little. He was never cold and even in the dead of winter would wear only a vest, never a jacket. He was a smoker all of his life. He believed in a hearty meat and potato meal for dinner but rarely ate breakfast or lunch. He was really smart but was 11 units shy from graduating from college. He never really had a fruitful career after that. He could fix anything and work on any car which was so helpful and handy! He died of a massive heart attack at work when he was 48 years old on June 6th, 1994. I still have his ashes. He wasn't a saint and he wasn't the perfect father but I appreciated the good times with him and really missed him at all those great milestones in my life that he missed...my college graduation, my wedding, the birth of my son, etc.

So, Happy Father's Day wherever you are. He thought organized religion was bullshit and didn't buy that whole Heaven and Hell thing. But if I know him, he's knocking back a beer somewhere and smiling in the sun.

Grandma's 62nd Birthday!

Keenan loves and adores his Grandma. Today was her 62nd birthday. Keenan was very excited for this day to come because, along with wanting to make his Grandma feel special, he knew cake was involved. After wrapping our presents to her and hanging our birthday banner we took Grandma to dinner at Cool Hand Luke's which proved to be pretty tasty and we had great service. After that we came home and let the party rage on. ;)

First, Keenan sang Happy Birthday to her and helped her blow out her candles:




Then, he helped her open her presents:




Then, he ran with scissors:




Then the party got into full swing when Keenan danced on the table...with shoes...as suggested by Grandma. Thanks Grandma.




Now Keenan is in bed and I'm playing with my new digital camcorder I bought today. Cuz you know, that's what smart people do when they're going to be furloughed next month and their child support is shaky, spend money. Probably not good timing but I'm in a cake induced stupor and don't much care.

Happy 62nd Birthday Grandma! We had a great time!

Love, Keenan and Daphne

What happens when you fall off the piano bench-this is long

Note the big knot on his forehead...and that doesn't capture the matching knot on his knee. This is what happens when you fall off the piano bench head first onto the tile floor. Poor little baby. He appears to be ok. But I really need to vent about tonight.

I HATE when Keenan hurts himself obviously. However, I hate it even more when his dad is around and he hurts himself. His dad's immediate reaction every time Keenan falls and bangs himself up after he's been asked to stop doing something (like standing on the piano bench instead of sitting on his bottom or knees like he was told) is to yell at Keenan. He just starts bawling him out. It lasts about 3 seconds because you better believe I totally jump his shit when he starts doing it and then I just whisk Keenan out of the room. It totally pisses me off! Again tonight I had to tell him not to yell at him when he's hurt and then he gets pissed and starts mouthing off and has no patience for anything (like when my chihuahua jumped on the table to steal a bite of the chicken left on Keenan's plate in the midst of all of this). I had to step in right as he was going for him because I think he would have thrown him off the table in a way that was likely to cause injury. This immediate reaction is why I NEVER TRUST HIM ALONE WITH KEENAN! This is why he visits mainly in my home. I've allowed him to take him with him on errands maybe 3 times in all of Keenan's 2.5 years.

To make matters worse, my insurance changed in January from Kaiser (which I know has their issues) to a lovely little plan called Health Plan of San Joaquin. Being a county employee our insurance can change year to year based on who offers the lowest cost option. Our insurance is 100% paid by the employer if we choose the lowest cost option. Choosing one of the other 3 plans available means paying out of pocket for the difference in cost. I'm 1) a single parent on one income, 2) cheap, 3) not really a frequenter of any type of medical services because we're both (thankfully) healthy. I usually don't care what insurance I have as long as I'm covered. So I switch. So far I've discovered that instead of getting a 3 month supply of birth control pills at a time they only allow one month at a time which means a 10 co-pay for every month of pills. Assholes. Not a dire thing though I'll admit. My real issue is that tonight, when I actually needed them because that bump was REALLY big and he carried on much longer than he usually does when he knocks his noggin, they had one failure after another. The phone line for the advice nurse had a recorded message that said the line was no longer available and to call the customer service center. I do so using both the local and 800 number and their hours are 8-5 M-F. NOT HELPFUL! To top it off..I can't remember which urgent care I'm supposed to use. I call Keenan's doctor, get the service, and they can't tell me which one to go to and, furthermore, their ****ing on-call doctor has yet to return my call and that was 2.5 hours ago that I called them. So I decided to try the website and click the link that says advice nurse and it has the same non-operating number. I try to download the provider directory and the link doesn't work. ARRGGHHH! I decide to just take him to urgent care as a precaution because at this point he's looking like he might throw up and is still just sitting in my lap not doing much.

Here's reinforcement for why I divorced Keenan's dad. BECAUSE HE'S OBLIVIOUS AND NOT HELPFUL!! I make the decision to go to urgent care and he insists on using his car merely because he's blocking my car in the garage. Keenan's bag, my purse, etc. are all in my car. I say fine just to get out of here, grab my stuff and bring it in the house. I set it down right next to Keenan's blankie (a must have, particularly in desperate times) and his sippy cup. I grab the motrin and shove it in my purse and pick up Keenan to head out the door. His dad grabs his blankie and sippy cup and starts walking out in front of me. What's missing? Oh yeah, my purse and Keenan's bag that I'm apparently supposed to carry along with Keenan. Are you kidding me? I glare at him in disbelief and he doesn't get it. So at this point I have Keenan in one arm, my phone in that hand, my purse over the other arm and his backpack in the other hand and that shit turns and sees me with all this stuff and says "Oh, I'll get the door, you go on ahead". !!!!! This of course leaves me to wrangle the purse, backpack, Keenan and the phone out to the truck where I also have to figure out how to open the door with either my teeth or my toes since that's all I have left. SOO ANNOYING!!

We get going in his car and I guessed right regarding which urgent care to go to thankfully. But when I go in and ask them if they accept my insurance they say they haven't accepted that for about 4 months. I of course start flipping a lid because it's only been since January since I've had this new insurance. Some other guy comes around the corner and says, do you have this insurance through your job? Um, well, duh! Guess what? My new painfully inadequate insurance is apparently the Medi-Cal plan for the neighboring county. WTF??!! They accept it if you're employed but apparently not if you're on it through Medi-Cal. Keenan ultimately checks out ok though he has a very large goosebump on his forehead as you can see. I'm ripping them a new one tomorrow and switching back as soon as we can during open enrollment. Now I have to go try to wake up my son to make sure he can be woken up before I "sleep" tonight which I know my neurotic self won't do because I'll be totally checking him all night a la Terms of Endearment style!

Gas

GAS PRICES PISS ME OFF!!

Seriously...how the hell do they get away with this shit? I'm not necessarily for government regulation on everything but at some point it's got to stop! How is it that the price of gas can rise for "a record 50th straight day" and no one can do anything to stop it. This is ridiculous. NOTHING else that's a consumable experiences these extreme price fluctuations. This makes me angry in a way that affects my body and tenses me up. I can see us back to 4 bucks a gallon soon and that's just not right...especially not in a recession and when I'm taking a 5% hit on my paycheck and a 25% hit on my child support (that's a whole other topic). How does it compute that people who are out of work and/or taking paycuts should be expected to afford more expensive gas.

Dude...SERIOUSLY!

Assholes!

Why the guilt?

Today I skipped out of work an hour early, rushed home, did a workout tape, and then rushed to pick up my son. It's the one hour that I actually made myself a priority in front of all other things. And believe me, it's the first time that I've squeezed in a bit of exercise in a couple of months. EVERYTHING comes before myself, especially Keenan. It's doubly hard to get any moment to myself as a single mom since there's no one to split duties with and no one to entrust Keenan to on a daily basis when I can do something for me. Therefore, my ability to accomplish a little bit of exercise left me feeling great! Actually, I'm proud of myself. And I noticed that I had more energy this evening. I know that exercise leads to this and leads to me feeling better overall but it's always the last on the list of priorities. So, if it makes me feel so great the question I have for myself, and for others out there struggling with the same issue is this:

WHY IS IT LAST ON THE PRIORITY LIST?

The best answer I can come up with is GUILT! Yup, guilt! I feel guilty for leaving work a bit early and having to make up that hour somewhere else this week. I also feel guilty for being a little bit later than usual picking up Keenan from daycare. I have this thing where I don't ever want him to be the last kid to be picked up from daycare. Totally self-imposed weirdness, I know. But I try to get him as early as I can. I have this bet going with a co-worker regarding losing 5 pounds by a certain date. I texted her that I actually worked out today (she didn't believe I would) and she, with pure evil in her heart (though it was funny as hell) texted me back "poor Keenan, his mommy was late and he was the last one to be picked up". That girl knows JUST where to hit! It was total strategy on her part since she'll have to buy me lunch when I win...bitch. :) But I digress...back to the guilt. There's a whole list of things that I feel guilty if I do so I just don't (or rarely) do them:

1) Buy clothes/shoes for myself. Anything bought is sheer necessity. I am no fashion icon. But Keenan is always dressed well.

2) Splurge on any items. Recently I purchased a patio set (for all of 250 bucks from Big Lots) for my backyard. I had an unexpected check come from my impound account and 2/3 of it went to this set. TOTALLY FELT GUILTY!

3) Go out. Ever. This brings out many layers of guilt. Guilt for leaving Keenan with a babysitter (he's never been left with a babysitter...only my mom and his dad). Guilt over the money spent going out. Guilt over the grumpiness Keenan will inevitably face and the overall lack of energy the next morning that may result in going out. Seriously...little to no social life here.

4) Guilt over not treating my dogs the way they used to be treated or taking my Border Collie to agility anymore (her favorite thing ever poor girl). Agility was my thing..my hobby..my fun. Not doing it now because I'd have to get someone to watch Keenan for me during class time and trial weekends (which are both weekend days and all weekend long) aren't something that I can do with Keenan. So therefore, the double-edged sword of guilt if I do them and guilt if I don't.

I could go on but that seems plenty. I know that he's only 2 and 1/2 and I would hope that this will dissipate and ease over time. But really, how do you get past it all and bring yourself back around to a place where it's ok to put yourself first sometimes? Or is that just something that has been given up forever because I'm now a parent?

When is it ok to correct a friend's child?

Today Keenan and I had a great play date with a very good friend of mine and her daughter. Her child is 8 and mine is 2 so you can imagine the advantages of having a big kid around at the park. I actually got to relax and have a normal adult conversation with my friend. Imagine that. She's a GREAT kid! I love her, she's very sweet with my son, and she has tons of spunk and energy that I enjoy and is one smart little cookie. Truthfully, she was the most excited human on the planet when I was pregnant....yes, way more excited than I was...and couldn't wait for Keenan's arrival. Her mom and I are also very good friends and have been for several years. We're the kind of friends that you don't bother cleaning your house for and that you can have a credit card declined at dinner in front of without embarrassment (and who'll also pay for dinner and not bat an eye). Dinner is exactly where I inadvertently corrected her daughter. We were talking and her daughter (who is 8 and can be that annoying silly and dramatic) started screeching like a bird and when we stopped to look at her she said "I have a question for you guys". She started to ask a question and I said "But we were talking and that was rude." She of course sulked for a bit and came around and all is well. I'm pretty sure that my friend didn't really care because I think what popped out of my mouth was exactly what she was going to say. But my question is this:

When is it ok to correct other people's children?

My opinions on the subject are that 1) if my kid is doing something naughty and I'm catching it, please give them a correction, 2) if I catch your kid doing something naughty, I'm going to give them a correction. I can see arguments for and against both of these opinions. I know that not all parents have the same parenting styles or same issues they feel like they want to address. What I might find needs to be corrected might be something another parent can overlook. This can be awkward. Methods of correction can vary. I tend to say what I don't like about the behavior and ask that they refrain from doing it with a please usually inserted in the sentence and I try to keep my voice neutral. (Not so with my child when he's pushing it, the stern voice comes out). For most children I find that having an adult other than their own parent correct them tends to make a bit more of an impact. They become shy or embarrassed. And there's that old saying that it takes a village to raise your child and I know darn well in my neighborhood growing up that if I was caught doing something I shouldn't not only was I told to knock it off but my parents knew about if before I ever got home. But there are freaky parents out there that go ballistic when other people correct their children and then it just becomes horribly awkward. Also, I don't even like it when my Keenan's dad corrects him too harshly so if someone else is correcting my child I would hope for some restraint.

The other questions I have on the subject are how much should you push it? If you've asked for a behavior to be stopped and a child doesn't comply how far do you push it? Do you correct children other than yours in front of their parents or wait for their parents to step in? How far do you let it go when a parent isn't addressing a behavior before you step in? I don't know that I would be so quick to correct because their own parent should be doing it and I'm pretty sure that unless it's a major safety issue that if a child doesn't respond to a first comment on their behavior that I probably am not going to push it too much but maybe try to restructure the situation. Lastly, how close do you have to be to this child and/or the other parents, before you feel comfortable disciplining them?

I would just hope that Keenan grows up knowing that he better mind his p's and q's around any and all adults and sassiness and defiance are definitely not acceptable behaviors whether I'm around or not.

Opinions?

Before I was a mom

For all you mom's out there....do you remember when you were single, unencumbered, not responsible for another human being's life? Did you also accomplish NOTHING all day long like I did. I would swear back then that I had absolutely NO TIME to do anything. Between going out drinking, sleeping it off, fending off the hangover and barely being able to get up before 11 am I would have been hard pressed to be asked to do the things after 11 am that I can now accomplish before 8 am. I remember being too busy to go to the gym...yeah, because I had, what? To sleep? Too lazy was more like it! That's not to say I was a total slacker. Before I became a mom I went to school, got my Master's degree, and worked at least 2 jobs at a time. Plus, did I mention the going out and drinking? I had my hobbies which included dog agility with my poor neglected puppies who used to be "just like children" to me (I'm embarrassed I was ever that person!) But goodness! Now, I can get myself up, showered, dressed, fed, 4 dogs fed and pottied, one child up, snuggled, fed, read to, played with, showered, dressed, at least 3 times on the potty with sticker rewards and lunch packed, sippy cup filled and blankie found all before 8 am when we leave for work/daycare. If you had asked me before to do all that I would have laughed. And after work? Dinner, playing, reading, doing puzzles, remember to fill doggie water dishes, feeding dogs, letting them potty, remembering to pet each one, and then have to clean up and do bedtime routine. And between that...work...all day!

I suppose what I'm trying to say is, for all you mom's out there reading this post..KUDOS! We all deserve a fucking medal!

5 Questions about me....

My good friend posted this challenge on her blog. I decided this was a great way to jump start myself back into my blog which hasn't had a post since April. Honestly, I don't know how she does it (blogging daily) with three kids and I only have the one! Here goes...

1) What topic would you write your book about?

Easy...my friend Patty. She's hysterical, lands herself in the most unlikely situations, and cracks me up. I always tease her that I'm going to write a tell all book about her with dedicated chapters to some of our other friends and am keeping a list of stories to insert into the book. It's going to be called The Irish Princess. One of my favorite quotes from when she went to Coyote Ugly in Texas with one of our friends who injured her foot..."Hold my cane I want to dance on the bar!"

2) What is one of your guilty pleasures?

Ugh...total honesty? I'm still sleeping with my ex-husband. There's always one thing we got right. :)

3) What are some of the things you do to get yourself out of a bad mood?

Oddly enough I cry. Not sobbing but if I'm so frustrated and everything is going wrong a bit of a cry can be cathartic. I don't cry often though. If that doesn't work and I have the opportunity then I sleep. That's been my go-to coping mechanism since a very young age. By the time you wake up things are bound to be better.

4) How long do you think it will take the U.S. Economy to get back on track?

Out of recession? 3 years. Back to the level before the housing bubble popped? 10 years. Hopefully I'm wrong about this one.

5) Do you think there is a fine line between creepy and romantic?

Uh, definitely! Romance can quickly cross over to stalkerville if done wrong. And considering that I'm a single mom and would consider someone letting me sleep in till I want in the morning and then let me kick back with my people and a diet pepsi after that to be a very romantic gesture...less is more.

Medea strikes again!

I had dinner tonight with my "Medea". Again, she cracks me up. She told my son tonight that when this kid pushes him in the back at daycare he should hit him back and that she'd show him how to do it so he won't leave a mark on him. It's good that he's 2 and doesn't really do what she says yet. I love her. She also told me that me saving my ex-husband who was swimming with me in Cabo from drowning wouldn't have happened if he were with a black woman because 1) they wouldn't have gone swimming and 2) a black woman would have told him up front that he "didn't see rescue written on her forehead" and that he was on his own. Point taken. She also doesn't like water much like she's terrified of cats. She can shower but that's it. No ponds, pools, lakes, streams, oceans, water hoses...you get the picture. I love her. However, she caused me great grief and horror tonight!

So, I walk in to my mom's house where my mom is laying out the ingredients for our salad bar we're having for dinner tonight. I'm only half listening to the conversation. They're talking about lord knows what because, you know, I'm not really listening. In psychology there's this thing known as the cocktail phenomenon. That's when even if you're in a crowded room, for example, at a cocktail party, there are certain things that will grab your attention no matter what. A prime example is when you're having a conversation in a busy room but all of a sudden you realize that someone has said your name. This is because your brain is hardwired to pay attention to something like that. As parents, I think we engage in this ALL the time. We listen half-heartedly to the CONSTANT chatter that comes out of our children's mouths and may mumble an unh huh from time to time. But there are things that will snap us back to full attention. Things like, "blood", "fire", or complete and utter silence. Here's something else that I found would snap me back to full attention.

MY 61 YEAR OLD MOTHER AND MY 60 YEAR OLD MEDEA HAVING A CONVERSATION ABOUT TEABAGGING!!!! WTF??!! WHY in the hell are they talking about teabagging? And then I realize that neither one really knows what the hell it is. My mother thought it had something to do with the Boston Tea Party. (Ground swallow me whole now and help me cough the rest of that diet pepsi out of my lungs that I inhaled when MY MOTHER said teabagging). Wanna know what makes this worse?? My mother has the worst memory on the planet. This is actually the SECOND time I've had to explain teabagging to her, the first being after my dumbass nephew said something about it in front of her and then refused to tell her what it was. She pestered me to no end. I even called my sister to try to make her tell her what it was. Nope...I did it. I explaind it to her...twice! Talk about an awkward conversation. In the end, Medea wanted to know why anyone would go to all that trouble instead of just getting straight to the point.

G*d I love that woman!

My Own Personal Medea

I have this friend who I’ve know since I was probably four years old. She’s worked with my mom for as long as I have a memory and has always been a favorite of my mom’s friends. She is hysterically funny. I’m talking pee pee in my pants funny especially since a baby came out of my verginny and I have a marked decrease of control in that area. She is an older black woman who is just the kind of influence that a young black boy in this world will need growing up. This is something my personal young black boy will not get from his biological grandmother. My son LOVES this friend. He doesn’t warm up to many people but he really adores her. She teaches him all kinds of naughty stuff. She’s taught him how to sword fight with knives in a restaurant across the table and has exposed him to many swear words he doesn’t get at home. Lucky for my son, she loves him right back. If left to their own devices I could picture the two of them stealing a car and driving cross country while shoplifting at convenience stores along the way to keep their fill of junk food at hand. Of course, this would have to happen when Keenan is much older. I’ve never known her to be dishonest or to be a thief…it’s just that I envision this in a “what happens in the movies that are funny and have a happy ending with no consequences” sort of way.

Last night she came over for dinner and told us two of the funniest stories I’ve heard in a long time. These stories have convinced me that her neighbors must think she’s crazy. Mainly, they’ve convinced me that she’s my own personal Medea. This friend, who I adore, apparently got the idea that since she lives alone and sometimes works late at night and walks to and from her car in the dark that she would need some form of personal protection. Normal people buy a whistle or pepper spray or mace. She bought a Taser. Yes, a TASER! Apparently you can buy that sort of thing off the internet and it comes with a handy 30 day return policy. I only know about the return policy because this particular Taser ended up being returned. A Taser you buy off the internet has the ability of shocking someone with anywhere from 100,000 to 400,000 volts of electricity. (I don’t know if this is even possible but it’s what she reported..it’s her story). In any case, she was showing it off to her neighbor one day all vigilante style and just as he said “I think you’re holding it at the wrong end” she tasered herself. Seriously…I’m not even sure how that happens. Isn’t there supposed to be some kind of trigger you have to pull or button you have to push at the other end of the taser to activate it? I asked her if it hurt and she looked at me like I should get my head out of my ass and said that she dropped it instantly and that just that little shock cleared up her sore throat and her earaches but gave her a headache instead. In her words, her brain’s been scrambled since. I suggested she take a self-defense course.

I know a lot of people who have certain phobias or fears. One of my friend’s husband is deathly afraid of escalators. I know plenty of claustrophobics and I can bet 100 bucks that I can point out 5 people in my immediate circle who are afraid of spiders. I myself have a foot phobia. My feet are fine, Keenan’s feet are fine…all other feet make me nauseous. I’m convinced that the day I meet the man whose feet don’t make me gag a little I will have met my soul mate. I remember on one season of the Real World one girl had a crippling fear of a large moving steel objects…of course they lived in a Marina with cruise ships constantly passing by. In any case, most of these fears are directly related to unpleasant things. This friend who I adore has an INTENSE phobia……of cute little fluffy furry CATS. Um, yeah, CATS. Again, a reason why she’s the crazy neighbor on her street….. So one night she was ready for bed and realized she had forgotten to put her garbage cans out for the next day’s garbage pick up. Since it was late she thought it would be safe to sneak out of the house in her skivvies and her bathrobe and wheel her cans to her curb. She apparently believed she’d be in stealth mode and could sneak back in her house unnoticed. It really was a good plan and who hasn’t done something like that. Until “the incident”. Little life lesson…don’t leave your door slightly ajar when you’re taking your garbage cans to the curb. Unbeknownst to my friend a cat had slipped into her house without her knowing it. Not realizing she was entering a closed, confined space with a (DUNH DUNH DUNH) CAT she went inside thinking all was well and stealth mode was pretty cool. All of a sudden, she saw the cat and the cat saw her. In my mind I haven’t decided which was the most freaked out. The cat went berserk flying around the room knocking things off walls and shelves. My friend started screaming bloody murder at the top of her lung and started running wildly around the room. Fight or flight had kicked in for both of them and neither of them wanted to fight but neither one could accomplish the flight either. In her panic she apparently had forgotten how to open a door. Her neighbors upon hearing this commotion apparently assumed she was being attacked. At least that is what they told the police when they called them. Three separate neighbors, one with a baseball bat and two with shovels came rushing to her side to quell her would be attacker just as the police with lights and sirens in full effect came screeching around the corner to her house. At this point she apparently remember how to turn a doorknob and fled the house in all her skivvied glory with her robe flying behind her. I asked her what she said to the police. She said they asked her what was the problem and after telling them she said they went in to do a sweep of the house to try to oust the attack cat for her. I’ve learned three things from this story…1) always wear a pad around my friend when she’s telling stories, 2) I really want neighbors like that and 3) the police have GOT to have a wall of fame for their funniest or weirdest calls.

I hope the adoration lasts

So I guess I get it now when young girls say they want to get pregnant so they'll have someone to love them. This is a totally screwed up thing to do. Being a parent is the hardest thing on earth requiring superhuman amounts of patience and self-control. It' s a lameass irresponsible reason to have a baby. But I do get it because really, I hope the adoration lasts. My little man is a gem among toddlers. Yes he can be willful and boy is he B-O-S-S-Y!!! But it's those little moments of unsolicited affection and care for others that just gets me. Like, when he stands behind me on the couch and gives me little backrubs with his tiny little hands. Or, when he holds my hair dryer for me in the morning. I love when he's standing on the counter and we're brushing our teeth together and he drapes and arm over my shoulder and pats me on the back. And it's so sweet how sometimes at night when I'm snuggling him into bed he'll put his blanket over me and say "tuck tuck tuck" as he pats the blanket around me and then grabs my face in his hands and gives me little kisses. Seriously, how damn cute is that?! I know someday, sooner than I will like, he'll be embarassed to be seen with me (a condition I plan on making the most of by the way in terms of all the evil things I'm going to think to do in public) and then he'll be unwilling to talk to me because he'll be a sullen, stinky boy, teenager. But man is he sweet now. This most be how all babies are....makes sense for why more of us don't kill our young! ;)

The look of an angel...the mind of a devil!!

Sunday is typically the day that Keenan's dad is able to come and visit him. Since he doesn't spend a whole lot of time with him, relatively speaking, he sometimes isn't wise to Keenan's little shenanigans. This is why I found it INCREDIBLY funny tonight when Keenan was sitting on his dad's lap and his dad and I were having a conversation about something and all the while Keenan was sticking his finger up his nose and wiping it on his dad's cheek. I finally couldn't stifle my laughter (and yes I know all that does is encourage them but sometimes it just can't be helped) and decided to let his dad know what he was up to. To his credit he handled it well and proceeded to wipe off his cheek with a baby wipe while I laughed myself to tears behind my book.

Man I love that kid!

A Boob Man!

Seriously? Two years old and my son is already a boob man. We were getting ready to go to a Spaghetti Feed tonight and he was jumping on the bed which I was standing next to while I was getting my socks and shoes on. That child reached his hand down the front of my shirt, pinched my nipple and looked at me and said "My Boops". What the hell? First of all...they've NEVER been his boops! Second of all...my mother is the one that is constantly yelling "MY BOOBS!!" at him every time he crawls into her lap but uses a "boop" for leverage. So when I told him, "No, those are not your boops" he looked at me innocently and said "Daddy's Boops?". Well jeez...I suppose at one time they were but not lately! We're divorced for crying out loud! So after we're home and he's in his jammies I went to the other side of the house for something and came back to the bathroom where he was patiently waiting to brush his teeth and he'd partially unzipped his sleeper and was playing with his own tiny little nipple. I'm telling you...he's a boob man!

Monterey Bay Aquarium and Micke Grove Zoo

A few weeks ago we had the good fortune of going to the Monterey Bay Aquarium with an old friend of mine who lives in the area and got us in for free. I HIGHLY recommend it for children Keenan's age...especially if you can get in for free. They had multiple little play areas and discovery places that captured Keenan's interest. He did not get bored, did not get cranky, and LOVED the aquarium with all the giant fish. They have really geared things for toddler/preschool/young children and he really had a great time.


Another great place for this age group is Micke Grove Zoo. Here's what I love about it. First, it's cheap. It's 2 bucks for adults and free for 2 and under (I think, maybe 3 and under). Second, it's small. Your little one won't get exhausted going from display to display. Third, it's NEVER crowded. That means that you don't have to freak out that your little one will get lost in a large crowd of people with other children. Fourth, it has a cute little kiddieland next to it with little rides for cheap and on the grounds are park play structures. It's a great place to spend the day, have a picnic and see some animals. They have a great little enclosed duck area that Keenan just LOVES and can actually sit and watch the birds in for quite a long time before he wants to move on.

Elliptical Trainer

Things the elliptical trainer is good for other than actual exercise:

1. Drying my towel, turbie twist, and Keenan's towel after a shower.
2. Holding my two stability balls in place so they don't roll around the room.
3. Filling up the empty space on the other side of my bedroom.
4. Serving as a place to stack all my pillows instead of the floor when I'm changing my sheets.
5. Holding my bathrobe instead of having to put a hook on my wall (I don't have an over the door hanger because I have a pocket door on my bathroom).

Get the picture? I do love my elliptical machine. At least I love the thought of it. At one time it was THE ANSWER. A fun, low-impact exercise that burns at least twice as many calories as mere walking. A great way to know exactly how many calories burned, miles gone, minutes exercised (I'm big on measurable things). I have goals when I'm on the elliptical...burn at least 100 fat calories, 300 calories overall, and hit the 30 minute mark. All measurable, attainable goals. So when was the last time I used it? Hmmmm....I'll have to measure the dust and see. Here's part of the problem...the elliptical is in my bedroom. Unfortunately, now Keenan is also back in my bedroom after 6 months of sleeping in his own bed in his own room he's wormed his way back. I can't exercise when he's awake because he thinks that thing is more fun that a disneyland ride (well ok, he's never been to disneyland, but he's TOTALLY into the elliptical right now). I can't exercise when he's asleep because I'd have to do so in the dark and the machine is too loud. So now I'm faced with having to move it. For anyone considering getting one of these behemoths just know that they're heavy as hell, can't turn corners, and don't fold up so they take a lot of space. So in order to actually use the thing I'll have to move it into my living room.

Really though, if I moved it, where would I hang my towels??!

Yeah, you're not really "doing the single mom thing"

Since I seem to be on my single mom rant at the moment I may as well get on with it.

I LOOVEE when people who aren't single moms (and I only say moms because I don't have any male friends who do this but it would certainly apply to them if it did) say it's like they're single moms because _____ (fill in the blank). My truly single mom friends and I talk about this a lot. So here's the thing...when you people who aren't single parents do that...it makes those of us who are single parents snort, roll our eyes, and temporarily think of a sassy rude comment that could be said. However, I do try to temper this with the fact that I know my status was self chosen and I'm not complaining about it. It truly is the best, safest, least dramatic or stressful and healthiest road that I could have chosen for Keenan. And I really LOVE my life...I'm so happy and satisfied with where I am right now and I totally APPRECIATE what I have and what I've accomplished. I'm at peace and content. This is not about being bitter. I also understand that if you are in a relationship with an involved parent when they're absent it can be difficult and uncomfortable for you. But what I do want to impress on people is that it can't even compare....really, not even a little bit.

Being a single mom means.....

1. You never get a break. You don't get personal time to yourself. You don't get those moments to re-charge your batteries, enjoy a book uninterrupted, enjoy a show uninterrupted (thank god for Tivo), or sleep in or take a nap because you're sick. Hell, I can't remember the last time I peed in private...work doesn't count...there are other stalls in there. Bottom line, you power through no matter what.

2. There's no separation of chores. I have a friend who recently complained that she was pissed off at her husband and so sick and tired that he can't seem to put the clothes in the drawers after he does laundry. Uh, really? You mean your clothes were sorted, washed, dried, folded and put in the respective rooms they belong in and you're bitching about that? Dead birds caught by the cat? You get to clean that up...not your partner. Dog vomit on your bed? Yep, you get that one too. My all time favorite...dog diarrhea! Yummy...good thing you invested in a steam cleaner you like because you're the only one using it. You do the dishes, you take the garbage out, you sweep, mop, vacuum, clean the toilets, mow, edge and weed eat, pound the nails back in the fence boards, scoop the yard and take care of the pool chemicals. Why? Because if you don't, it doesn't get done. However I do want to give a shout out to my ex-husband who really does have moments of absolute sweetness. There have been a few times when on his days off he's come by to mow the lawn or happens to unload my dishwasher and refill it with the dishes in the sink. I swear it's pathetic how damn grateful I can feel...almost moved to tears. Yeah, I'd totally do him in that moment.

3. Drop offs and pick ups. Honey, I'm going to the gym after work so it's your turn to pick up...oh yeah, that would be my turn again. A woman who I really do like complained recently about doing the single mom thing. She talked about how hard it was to get the kids down at night when her husband wasn't home and I do really believe it is very difficult. I only have one child thankfully so I don't really have to wrestle two into bed. The funny part about it all was in the same paragraph as the "doing the single mom thing comment" was the sentence about how she doesn't do drop offs so wasn't sure what her son wore that day or something like that. And as far as the gym...the only way I've been able to make that work is to take work home to do once Keenan's in bed and leave work early so I can squeeze in at least a cardio machine before daycare closes. Go in the morning while Keenan's sleeping? Not unless I want to be a CPS report for leaving my son unsupervised.

4. I just need to run to the store for ____. Yeah, that's so not worth it. Running to the store involves needing to go during times when your child can be out of the house without melting down. Going anywhere is an ordeal and has to be time limited. I really try hard to structure things for Keenan so I know he can be successful. I try to shop when he's rested, keep it time limited, dine only in loud restaurants early in the evening if we go out to eat...that kind of thing. I want to keep realistic expectations of him and not yell at him all the time. Doing little errands is never a little thing. EVERYTHING now requires pre-planning and forethought and there's never the back up of "honey can you stop and get blah blah blah on your way home?"

5. Those really tough decisions. Do I keep Keenan in daycare or move him to a pre-school? What school do I enroll him in? What if he has an IEP and needs me to advocate for him educationally? What if he has on-going medical issues and I have to make treatment decisions. The pressure of knowing that those decisions are all on you and you don't really have the luxury of having the other parent to step in and take the load or bounce things off of them can be pretty overwhelming. I have a friend whose daughter has Down's Syndrome and I tend to be a bit hard on her and critical sometimes for various reasons I won't go into. But I do have to say that I can't imagine how hard it must be for her FIGHTING with the school every year about full-inclusion vs. not or with the doctors about the many surgeries her poor daughter has needed. Now that's rough as a single parent.

5. Finances. This is probably one of the scariest things. If you screw up the books...there's no safety net. If you lose your job, get furloughed, run out of sick time, there's NO SAFETY NET. There's no one else out there, no matter how absent from the home he or she may be in the evenings, who's working for the financial good of your family. You're the wage-earner and the home-maker and failure in any of those realms has dire consquences.

6. Your child is the coolest, smartest, most talented human being to ever walk the planet. There's some small sadness in knowing that you don't have that other person around to share those moments with when your child just impresses the hell out of you with how cool they are. There's a small pang when you realize that the one other person who should be in as much awe as you are isn't there in that moment.

So call it whining, bitching, complaining, whatever. Just know that unless you are a single parent...those moments when you lament that you're doing the single parent thing (like if you're trying to get ready for work in the morning and your partner's already left for work)...um, no you're not. And please, don't judge those of us who give their son a set of make up brushes so we can get through the morning....whose children accidently call someone at random because we're bribing them with our phones for 5 minutes of uninterrupted time to accomplish a task....who loses yet another sippy cup to the dogs because I got a bit distracted and forgot to retrieve it out of the bed after nap. Don't sigh and look at us crossly...we may be superhuman...but we're not perfect!

Furloughs

State workers are now being held to a 2 day a month work furlough. This is one of the state's answers to how to save money. Well, great, except for the poor workers. So the poor state workers trying to support their families and make it in an already tight economy are now expected to do so on a 9% pay cut. Assuming those state workers make 60,000 per year, that's a rough and conservative estimate...they are employed by the state after all...that equates to 450 dollars LESS per month. Maybe for some families who have two incomes that wouldn't be the death knell. However, I KNOW some of those state workers and know many of them are single parents and I KNOW this is a HUGE problem. For those of you who are sick of my single parent rants I would refer you back to the description of my blog and say skip this if you so choose.... What pisses me off is that not ONE of our lawmakers is being furloughed or being expected to accept a 9% paycut to their salaries. Arnold Schwarzenmuscles ran his platform on how Gray Davis was doing such a shitty job and how he was going to come in and government was going to be different and not prone to the bi-partisan squabbling it was suffering from. REALLLYYY?????? How's that working out for you now Arnie? Seriously...now it's worse. And the irony remains still that we had to PAY for a re-call election...that cost millions of dollars. The way I see it Arnold didn't deliver (I didn't want the recall and certainly didn't vote for him) so I think he should reimburse the state the cost of that election out of his own pocket. He has the money and it's time for him to feel the pinch like those poor state workers are.

Of course, this all freaks me out a little because of the fact that I'm a county worker and am really hoping that we don't end up in the same boat as the state.

Concepts that are impossible to convey to a 2 year old

1. Mommy's sick

This has no meaning for a two year old. You can say it, he can repeat it, you can be coughing up a lung, sneezing, throwing up, have a fever with the worst chills ever BUT that is meaningless. You will still be bombarded with commands to "com ere mommy" and "get up" and "jump mommy". This is one of the hardest parts of all about being a single parent. You truly have no recovery time for yourself even though you need it.

2. After

As in, you can do that AFTER you finish your dinner....or, we'll see grandma AFTER you go to school. All of these comments are met with an emphatic "OTAY!" However, if you drive up to the school or make them sit and finish their dinner before going to play then all hell will likely break loose.

3. That's not yours, it's ______

I must defer to the toddler rules on this one. To a 2-year-old the concept of possessing something is relevant only to oneself. The idea that someone else is the actual owner of whatever object may be in sight at the time is outside the realm of possibility for a 2-year-old. Therefore, if you're a toddler and you see it...it's yours, if you're holding it...it's yours, etc. etc. etc.

Really...they do learn at some point right? :)

So thankful to have witnessed this!

In no other election and at no other time have I ever been so excited, so moved, and so interested in a presidential inauguration. I wonder if this is how people felt when John F. Kennedy was elected. I feel like FINALLY we're going to be able to get back on track and hopefully undo all the damage that has been done in the past 8 years by "W" and his oil-mongering cronies. I wonder if this is what people felt like when, in their life time, women or African-Americans won the right to vote. It makes me want to go out and do some grass roots community service work and really hope that our smaller communities will band together to effect the changes that we so desperately need. I'm saving all the newspapers for Keenan who is too young to be able to remember and experience this but for whom this night has a particular meaning and purpose (even if he doesn't know it yet). I know that as much as I try to give him the same rights and privileges I knew growing up that his experience will still, unfortunately, be inherently different from mine.

Congratulations Barack Obama and GOOD RIDDANCE George W. Bush you fucking idiot!

That little bastard!!

So, a couple of weeks ago I was at work and wanting to listen to my iPhone. Some really annoying people sometimes sit outside my office...you know...the kind with a voice that is so damaging to the ears in tone, pace and volume that you just can't drown them out so eventually your eye starts to twitch? Anyway, I couldn't find my headphones. I thought, well that's really strange, I know I put them in my purse. The next day I'm putting Keenan in the car and I look down and that's where my headphones are. I thought, oh cool, I found them...odd place for them to be given that Keenan doesn't listen to my iPhone or iPod and therefore wouldn't have been using them, but whatever. I'm just happy to have found them. I put them back in my purse. Well, today I pull them out of my purse because I'm behind the 8 ball on a project due Monday due to Keenan's ear infection and having to take three sick days this week and have been holed up in my office with the door closed all day working on this project. And what do I see? FOUR PLACES WHERE THAT LITTLE BASTARD MOUSE HAS CHEWED ON MY EARPHONES! The little shit stole them out of my purse, drug them into the backseat, and nibbled on them until he realized they weren't food apparently. Now only one of the earbuds works!

Speedy G really has to go!

WTF!!

I have a mouse living in my car! He is apparently the Speedy Gonzalez of the mice having outsmarted me and avoided detection for several weeks and capture for several days. Ok, talk about the ewww, ick and gross factor. So this may be one of those times when having a man around I can whine to about how he has to use the mouse trap and dispose of the mouse and not me would be handy. Unfortunately, the only man in my life would probably adopt him, call him Mickey Mouse and offer him lifetime free room and board beneath his carseat where ample supplies of goldfish fall. And believe me, we could survive days in a blizzard with all the half empty beverage containers, dropped goldfish, and half eaten breakfast bars that are typically in my car (not to mention the changes of clothing). Hmmm...maybe I'm seeing the reason why there's a mouse in my car in the first place!

How is it possible?

Really, how is it possible that a child who barely knows how to talk can shout "Mommy" a thousand times a minute with the intensity of someone trying to warn another person not to step in front of a speeding train?

What do you mean I can't have him?

Born 6 weeks early to someone who days before delivering was sobbing to the dogs (again, the dog nut thing) about how sorry she was for what she was about to do to them, Keenan made his arrival. It was the best damn thing that could have happened.

To say that I was shocked that I was pregnant was an understatement. To say that I had a VERY difficult time accepting that I was pregnant was a gross understatement. To say that I was looking forward to welcoming my new bundle was...well, you get the picture. There was no excitement leading up to his birth...just apprehension and a feeling that well, I had made my bed.... I was journaling awful things soon before his birth about regretting my decision to keep him. And no, I am not one of those people that is shocked pregnant people think that way or am ashamed to admit that I did. It's not all that uncommon. Even in the best of circumstances having a child is a universe altering, planet aligning experience for anyone. Others have thought those things...they just may not admit that they have for the sake of not wanting to seem like a "bad mother".

So when Keenan came out and was whisked immediately to the NICU after what seemed like an eternity to his first cry, I was just glad the whole ordeal of birth was over. In those moments waiting for him to cry I remember my mother asking me "you're not worried are you?" and I said "No, I know he's going to be alright". Do I believe that was a mother's intuition kicking in...hell no! I was exhausted after a full 24 hours of labor and a grueling birth experience the details of which I won't share because people who may not have already had children may read this post. I was relieved he was out. I wanted to see him but the concept of having this little human in the world that had just come out of me hadn't really registered yet.

As it turns out, his lungs were healthy, he was an impressive 5 lbs, 4 ozs for being a 34 weeker and he was able to maintain his body temperature well. He needed antibiotics because I ran a fever but was overall ok. After the fourth day in the NICU he became what the nurses call a "feeder and a grower". Ahh, but therein lied the problem. The poor thing was too pooped to eat. So, he got the feeding tube. So with all of that why in the world would his early birth be the best thing that could have happened? Because I believe it's basic animal instinct that when denied access to something it intensifies your craving for it. And that's what it did. That inability to take him home right away awakened a fiercely intense feeling of maternal protectiveness. One in which I knew from that moment on every action of my being would be for the purpose of protecting that little tiny baby. And I would be damned if I wasn't going to be there every day for every feeding (until the nurses made me promise to skip the middle of the night feeding). That was that. I was in love. I can happily report that nothing in my life has made me happier and I don't regret now for a single second that I chose to bring him into this world.