A Boob Man!

Seriously? Two years old and my son is already a boob man. We were getting ready to go to a Spaghetti Feed tonight and he was jumping on the bed which I was standing next to while I was getting my socks and shoes on. That child reached his hand down the front of my shirt, pinched my nipple and looked at me and said "My Boops". What the hell? First of all...they've NEVER been his boops! Second of all...my mother is the one that is constantly yelling "MY BOOBS!!" at him every time he crawls into her lap but uses a "boop" for leverage. So when I told him, "No, those are not your boops" he looked at me innocently and said "Daddy's Boops?". Well jeez...I suppose at one time they were but not lately! We're divorced for crying out loud! So after we're home and he's in his jammies I went to the other side of the house for something and came back to the bathroom where he was patiently waiting to brush his teeth and he'd partially unzipped his sleeper and was playing with his own tiny little nipple. I'm telling you...he's a boob man!

Monterey Bay Aquarium and Micke Grove Zoo

A few weeks ago we had the good fortune of going to the Monterey Bay Aquarium with an old friend of mine who lives in the area and got us in for free. I HIGHLY recommend it for children Keenan's age...especially if you can get in for free. They had multiple little play areas and discovery places that captured Keenan's interest. He did not get bored, did not get cranky, and LOVED the aquarium with all the giant fish. They have really geared things for toddler/preschool/young children and he really had a great time.


Another great place for this age group is Micke Grove Zoo. Here's what I love about it. First, it's cheap. It's 2 bucks for adults and free for 2 and under (I think, maybe 3 and under). Second, it's small. Your little one won't get exhausted going from display to display. Third, it's NEVER crowded. That means that you don't have to freak out that your little one will get lost in a large crowd of people with other children. Fourth, it has a cute little kiddieland next to it with little rides for cheap and on the grounds are park play structures. It's a great place to spend the day, have a picnic and see some animals. They have a great little enclosed duck area that Keenan just LOVES and can actually sit and watch the birds in for quite a long time before he wants to move on.

Elliptical Trainer

Things the elliptical trainer is good for other than actual exercise:

1. Drying my towel, turbie twist, and Keenan's towel after a shower.
2. Holding my two stability balls in place so they don't roll around the room.
3. Filling up the empty space on the other side of my bedroom.
4. Serving as a place to stack all my pillows instead of the floor when I'm changing my sheets.
5. Holding my bathrobe instead of having to put a hook on my wall (I don't have an over the door hanger because I have a pocket door on my bathroom).

Get the picture? I do love my elliptical machine. At least I love the thought of it. At one time it was THE ANSWER. A fun, low-impact exercise that burns at least twice as many calories as mere walking. A great way to know exactly how many calories burned, miles gone, minutes exercised (I'm big on measurable things). I have goals when I'm on the elliptical...burn at least 100 fat calories, 300 calories overall, and hit the 30 minute mark. All measurable, attainable goals. So when was the last time I used it? Hmmmm....I'll have to measure the dust and see. Here's part of the problem...the elliptical is in my bedroom. Unfortunately, now Keenan is also back in my bedroom after 6 months of sleeping in his own bed in his own room he's wormed his way back. I can't exercise when he's awake because he thinks that thing is more fun that a disneyland ride (well ok, he's never been to disneyland, but he's TOTALLY into the elliptical right now). I can't exercise when he's asleep because I'd have to do so in the dark and the machine is too loud. So now I'm faced with having to move it. For anyone considering getting one of these behemoths just know that they're heavy as hell, can't turn corners, and don't fold up so they take a lot of space. So in order to actually use the thing I'll have to move it into my living room.

Really though, if I moved it, where would I hang my towels??!

Yeah, you're not really "doing the single mom thing"

Since I seem to be on my single mom rant at the moment I may as well get on with it.

I LOOVEE when people who aren't single moms (and I only say moms because I don't have any male friends who do this but it would certainly apply to them if it did) say it's like they're single moms because _____ (fill in the blank). My truly single mom friends and I talk about this a lot. So here's the thing...when you people who aren't single parents do that...it makes those of us who are single parents snort, roll our eyes, and temporarily think of a sassy rude comment that could be said. However, I do try to temper this with the fact that I know my status was self chosen and I'm not complaining about it. It truly is the best, safest, least dramatic or stressful and healthiest road that I could have chosen for Keenan. And I really LOVE my life...I'm so happy and satisfied with where I am right now and I totally APPRECIATE what I have and what I've accomplished. I'm at peace and content. This is not about being bitter. I also understand that if you are in a relationship with an involved parent when they're absent it can be difficult and uncomfortable for you. But what I do want to impress on people is that it can't even compare....really, not even a little bit.

Being a single mom means.....

1. You never get a break. You don't get personal time to yourself. You don't get those moments to re-charge your batteries, enjoy a book uninterrupted, enjoy a show uninterrupted (thank god for Tivo), or sleep in or take a nap because you're sick. Hell, I can't remember the last time I peed in private...work doesn't count...there are other stalls in there. Bottom line, you power through no matter what.

2. There's no separation of chores. I have a friend who recently complained that she was pissed off at her husband and so sick and tired that he can't seem to put the clothes in the drawers after he does laundry. Uh, really? You mean your clothes were sorted, washed, dried, folded and put in the respective rooms they belong in and you're bitching about that? Dead birds caught by the cat? You get to clean that up...not your partner. Dog vomit on your bed? Yep, you get that one too. My all time favorite...dog diarrhea! Yummy...good thing you invested in a steam cleaner you like because you're the only one using it. You do the dishes, you take the garbage out, you sweep, mop, vacuum, clean the toilets, mow, edge and weed eat, pound the nails back in the fence boards, scoop the yard and take care of the pool chemicals. Why? Because if you don't, it doesn't get done. However I do want to give a shout out to my ex-husband who really does have moments of absolute sweetness. There have been a few times when on his days off he's come by to mow the lawn or happens to unload my dishwasher and refill it with the dishes in the sink. I swear it's pathetic how damn grateful I can feel...almost moved to tears. Yeah, I'd totally do him in that moment.

3. Drop offs and pick ups. Honey, I'm going to the gym after work so it's your turn to pick up...oh yeah, that would be my turn again. A woman who I really do like complained recently about doing the single mom thing. She talked about how hard it was to get the kids down at night when her husband wasn't home and I do really believe it is very difficult. I only have one child thankfully so I don't really have to wrestle two into bed. The funny part about it all was in the same paragraph as the "doing the single mom thing comment" was the sentence about how she doesn't do drop offs so wasn't sure what her son wore that day or something like that. And as far as the gym...the only way I've been able to make that work is to take work home to do once Keenan's in bed and leave work early so I can squeeze in at least a cardio machine before daycare closes. Go in the morning while Keenan's sleeping? Not unless I want to be a CPS report for leaving my son unsupervised.

4. I just need to run to the store for ____. Yeah, that's so not worth it. Running to the store involves needing to go during times when your child can be out of the house without melting down. Going anywhere is an ordeal and has to be time limited. I really try hard to structure things for Keenan so I know he can be successful. I try to shop when he's rested, keep it time limited, dine only in loud restaurants early in the evening if we go out to eat...that kind of thing. I want to keep realistic expectations of him and not yell at him all the time. Doing little errands is never a little thing. EVERYTHING now requires pre-planning and forethought and there's never the back up of "honey can you stop and get blah blah blah on your way home?"

5. Those really tough decisions. Do I keep Keenan in daycare or move him to a pre-school? What school do I enroll him in? What if he has an IEP and needs me to advocate for him educationally? What if he has on-going medical issues and I have to make treatment decisions. The pressure of knowing that those decisions are all on you and you don't really have the luxury of having the other parent to step in and take the load or bounce things off of them can be pretty overwhelming. I have a friend whose daughter has Down's Syndrome and I tend to be a bit hard on her and critical sometimes for various reasons I won't go into. But I do have to say that I can't imagine how hard it must be for her FIGHTING with the school every year about full-inclusion vs. not or with the doctors about the many surgeries her poor daughter has needed. Now that's rough as a single parent.

5. Finances. This is probably one of the scariest things. If you screw up the books...there's no safety net. If you lose your job, get furloughed, run out of sick time, there's NO SAFETY NET. There's no one else out there, no matter how absent from the home he or she may be in the evenings, who's working for the financial good of your family. You're the wage-earner and the home-maker and failure in any of those realms has dire consquences.

6. Your child is the coolest, smartest, most talented human being to ever walk the planet. There's some small sadness in knowing that you don't have that other person around to share those moments with when your child just impresses the hell out of you with how cool they are. There's a small pang when you realize that the one other person who should be in as much awe as you are isn't there in that moment.

So call it whining, bitching, complaining, whatever. Just know that unless you are a single parent...those moments when you lament that you're doing the single parent thing (like if you're trying to get ready for work in the morning and your partner's already left for work)...um, no you're not. And please, don't judge those of us who give their son a set of make up brushes so we can get through the morning....whose children accidently call someone at random because we're bribing them with our phones for 5 minutes of uninterrupted time to accomplish a task....who loses yet another sippy cup to the dogs because I got a bit distracted and forgot to retrieve it out of the bed after nap. Don't sigh and look at us crossly...we may be superhuman...but we're not perfect!

Furloughs

State workers are now being held to a 2 day a month work furlough. This is one of the state's answers to how to save money. Well, great, except for the poor workers. So the poor state workers trying to support their families and make it in an already tight economy are now expected to do so on a 9% pay cut. Assuming those state workers make 60,000 per year, that's a rough and conservative estimate...they are employed by the state after all...that equates to 450 dollars LESS per month. Maybe for some families who have two incomes that wouldn't be the death knell. However, I KNOW some of those state workers and know many of them are single parents and I KNOW this is a HUGE problem. For those of you who are sick of my single parent rants I would refer you back to the description of my blog and say skip this if you so choose.... What pisses me off is that not ONE of our lawmakers is being furloughed or being expected to accept a 9% paycut to their salaries. Arnold Schwarzenmuscles ran his platform on how Gray Davis was doing such a shitty job and how he was going to come in and government was going to be different and not prone to the bi-partisan squabbling it was suffering from. REALLLYYY?????? How's that working out for you now Arnie? Seriously...now it's worse. And the irony remains still that we had to PAY for a re-call election...that cost millions of dollars. The way I see it Arnold didn't deliver (I didn't want the recall and certainly didn't vote for him) so I think he should reimburse the state the cost of that election out of his own pocket. He has the money and it's time for him to feel the pinch like those poor state workers are.

Of course, this all freaks me out a little because of the fact that I'm a county worker and am really hoping that we don't end up in the same boat as the state.

Concepts that are impossible to convey to a 2 year old

1. Mommy's sick

This has no meaning for a two year old. You can say it, he can repeat it, you can be coughing up a lung, sneezing, throwing up, have a fever with the worst chills ever BUT that is meaningless. You will still be bombarded with commands to "com ere mommy" and "get up" and "jump mommy". This is one of the hardest parts of all about being a single parent. You truly have no recovery time for yourself even though you need it.

2. After

As in, you can do that AFTER you finish your dinner....or, we'll see grandma AFTER you go to school. All of these comments are met with an emphatic "OTAY!" However, if you drive up to the school or make them sit and finish their dinner before going to play then all hell will likely break loose.

3. That's not yours, it's ______

I must defer to the toddler rules on this one. To a 2-year-old the concept of possessing something is relevant only to oneself. The idea that someone else is the actual owner of whatever object may be in sight at the time is outside the realm of possibility for a 2-year-old. Therefore, if you're a toddler and you see it...it's yours, if you're holding it...it's yours, etc. etc. etc.

Really...they do learn at some point right? :)