So thankful to have witnessed this!

In no other election and at no other time have I ever been so excited, so moved, and so interested in a presidential inauguration. I wonder if this is how people felt when John F. Kennedy was elected. I feel like FINALLY we're going to be able to get back on track and hopefully undo all the damage that has been done in the past 8 years by "W" and his oil-mongering cronies. I wonder if this is what people felt like when, in their life time, women or African-Americans won the right to vote. It makes me want to go out and do some grass roots community service work and really hope that our smaller communities will band together to effect the changes that we so desperately need. I'm saving all the newspapers for Keenan who is too young to be able to remember and experience this but for whom this night has a particular meaning and purpose (even if he doesn't know it yet). I know that as much as I try to give him the same rights and privileges I knew growing up that his experience will still, unfortunately, be inherently different from mine.

Congratulations Barack Obama and GOOD RIDDANCE George W. Bush you fucking idiot!

That little bastard!!

So, a couple of weeks ago I was at work and wanting to listen to my iPhone. Some really annoying people sometimes sit outside my office...you know...the kind with a voice that is so damaging to the ears in tone, pace and volume that you just can't drown them out so eventually your eye starts to twitch? Anyway, I couldn't find my headphones. I thought, well that's really strange, I know I put them in my purse. The next day I'm putting Keenan in the car and I look down and that's where my headphones are. I thought, oh cool, I found them...odd place for them to be given that Keenan doesn't listen to my iPhone or iPod and therefore wouldn't have been using them, but whatever. I'm just happy to have found them. I put them back in my purse. Well, today I pull them out of my purse because I'm behind the 8 ball on a project due Monday due to Keenan's ear infection and having to take three sick days this week and have been holed up in my office with the door closed all day working on this project. And what do I see? FOUR PLACES WHERE THAT LITTLE BASTARD MOUSE HAS CHEWED ON MY EARPHONES! The little shit stole them out of my purse, drug them into the backseat, and nibbled on them until he realized they weren't food apparently. Now only one of the earbuds works!

Speedy G really has to go!

WTF!!

I have a mouse living in my car! He is apparently the Speedy Gonzalez of the mice having outsmarted me and avoided detection for several weeks and capture for several days. Ok, talk about the ewww, ick and gross factor. So this may be one of those times when having a man around I can whine to about how he has to use the mouse trap and dispose of the mouse and not me would be handy. Unfortunately, the only man in my life would probably adopt him, call him Mickey Mouse and offer him lifetime free room and board beneath his carseat where ample supplies of goldfish fall. And believe me, we could survive days in a blizzard with all the half empty beverage containers, dropped goldfish, and half eaten breakfast bars that are typically in my car (not to mention the changes of clothing). Hmmm...maybe I'm seeing the reason why there's a mouse in my car in the first place!

How is it possible?

Really, how is it possible that a child who barely knows how to talk can shout "Mommy" a thousand times a minute with the intensity of someone trying to warn another person not to step in front of a speeding train?

What do you mean I can't have him?

Born 6 weeks early to someone who days before delivering was sobbing to the dogs (again, the dog nut thing) about how sorry she was for what she was about to do to them, Keenan made his arrival. It was the best damn thing that could have happened.

To say that I was shocked that I was pregnant was an understatement. To say that I had a VERY difficult time accepting that I was pregnant was a gross understatement. To say that I was looking forward to welcoming my new bundle was...well, you get the picture. There was no excitement leading up to his birth...just apprehension and a feeling that well, I had made my bed.... I was journaling awful things soon before his birth about regretting my decision to keep him. And no, I am not one of those people that is shocked pregnant people think that way or am ashamed to admit that I did. It's not all that uncommon. Even in the best of circumstances having a child is a universe altering, planet aligning experience for anyone. Others have thought those things...they just may not admit that they have for the sake of not wanting to seem like a "bad mother".

So when Keenan came out and was whisked immediately to the NICU after what seemed like an eternity to his first cry, I was just glad the whole ordeal of birth was over. In those moments waiting for him to cry I remember my mother asking me "you're not worried are you?" and I said "No, I know he's going to be alright". Do I believe that was a mother's intuition kicking in...hell no! I was exhausted after a full 24 hours of labor and a grueling birth experience the details of which I won't share because people who may not have already had children may read this post. I was relieved he was out. I wanted to see him but the concept of having this little human in the world that had just come out of me hadn't really registered yet.

As it turns out, his lungs were healthy, he was an impressive 5 lbs, 4 ozs for being a 34 weeker and he was able to maintain his body temperature well. He needed antibiotics because I ran a fever but was overall ok. After the fourth day in the NICU he became what the nurses call a "feeder and a grower". Ahh, but therein lied the problem. The poor thing was too pooped to eat. So, he got the feeding tube. So with all of that why in the world would his early birth be the best thing that could have happened? Because I believe it's basic animal instinct that when denied access to something it intensifies your craving for it. And that's what it did. That inability to take him home right away awakened a fiercely intense feeling of maternal protectiveness. One in which I knew from that moment on every action of my being would be for the purpose of protecting that little tiny baby. And I would be damned if I wasn't going to be there every day for every feeding (until the nurses made me promise to skip the middle of the night feeding). That was that. I was in love. I can happily report that nothing in my life has made me happier and I don't regret now for a single second that I chose to bring him into this world.