Why the guilt?

Today I skipped out of work an hour early, rushed home, did a workout tape, and then rushed to pick up my son. It's the one hour that I actually made myself a priority in front of all other things. And believe me, it's the first time that I've squeezed in a bit of exercise in a couple of months. EVERYTHING comes before myself, especially Keenan. It's doubly hard to get any moment to myself as a single mom since there's no one to split duties with and no one to entrust Keenan to on a daily basis when I can do something for me. Therefore, my ability to accomplish a little bit of exercise left me feeling great! Actually, I'm proud of myself. And I noticed that I had more energy this evening. I know that exercise leads to this and leads to me feeling better overall but it's always the last on the list of priorities. So, if it makes me feel so great the question I have for myself, and for others out there struggling with the same issue is this:

WHY IS IT LAST ON THE PRIORITY LIST?

The best answer I can come up with is GUILT! Yup, guilt! I feel guilty for leaving work a bit early and having to make up that hour somewhere else this week. I also feel guilty for being a little bit later than usual picking up Keenan from daycare. I have this thing where I don't ever want him to be the last kid to be picked up from daycare. Totally self-imposed weirdness, I know. But I try to get him as early as I can. I have this bet going with a co-worker regarding losing 5 pounds by a certain date. I texted her that I actually worked out today (she didn't believe I would) and she, with pure evil in her heart (though it was funny as hell) texted me back "poor Keenan, his mommy was late and he was the last one to be picked up". That girl knows JUST where to hit! It was total strategy on her part since she'll have to buy me lunch when I win...bitch. :) But I digress...back to the guilt. There's a whole list of things that I feel guilty if I do so I just don't (or rarely) do them:

1) Buy clothes/shoes for myself. Anything bought is sheer necessity. I am no fashion icon. But Keenan is always dressed well.

2) Splurge on any items. Recently I purchased a patio set (for all of 250 bucks from Big Lots) for my backyard. I had an unexpected check come from my impound account and 2/3 of it went to this set. TOTALLY FELT GUILTY!

3) Go out. Ever. This brings out many layers of guilt. Guilt for leaving Keenan with a babysitter (he's never been left with a babysitter...only my mom and his dad). Guilt over the money spent going out. Guilt over the grumpiness Keenan will inevitably face and the overall lack of energy the next morning that may result in going out. Seriously...little to no social life here.

4) Guilt over not treating my dogs the way they used to be treated or taking my Border Collie to agility anymore (her favorite thing ever poor girl). Agility was my thing..my hobby..my fun. Not doing it now because I'd have to get someone to watch Keenan for me during class time and trial weekends (which are both weekend days and all weekend long) aren't something that I can do with Keenan. So therefore, the double-edged sword of guilt if I do them and guilt if I don't.

I could go on but that seems plenty. I know that he's only 2 and 1/2 and I would hope that this will dissipate and ease over time. But really, how do you get past it all and bring yourself back around to a place where it's ok to put yourself first sometimes? Or is that just something that has been given up forever because I'm now a parent?