When is it ok to correct a friend's child?

Today Keenan and I had a great play date with a very good friend of mine and her daughter. Her child is 8 and mine is 2 so you can imagine the advantages of having a big kid around at the park. I actually got to relax and have a normal adult conversation with my friend. Imagine that. She's a GREAT kid! I love her, she's very sweet with my son, and she has tons of spunk and energy that I enjoy and is one smart little cookie. Truthfully, she was the most excited human on the planet when I was pregnant....yes, way more excited than I was...and couldn't wait for Keenan's arrival. Her mom and I are also very good friends and have been for several years. We're the kind of friends that you don't bother cleaning your house for and that you can have a credit card declined at dinner in front of without embarrassment (and who'll also pay for dinner and not bat an eye). Dinner is exactly where I inadvertently corrected her daughter. We were talking and her daughter (who is 8 and can be that annoying silly and dramatic) started screeching like a bird and when we stopped to look at her she said "I have a question for you guys". She started to ask a question and I said "But we were talking and that was rude." She of course sulked for a bit and came around and all is well. I'm pretty sure that my friend didn't really care because I think what popped out of my mouth was exactly what she was going to say. But my question is this:

When is it ok to correct other people's children?

My opinions on the subject are that 1) if my kid is doing something naughty and I'm catching it, please give them a correction, 2) if I catch your kid doing something naughty, I'm going to give them a correction. I can see arguments for and against both of these opinions. I know that not all parents have the same parenting styles or same issues they feel like they want to address. What I might find needs to be corrected might be something another parent can overlook. This can be awkward. Methods of correction can vary. I tend to say what I don't like about the behavior and ask that they refrain from doing it with a please usually inserted in the sentence and I try to keep my voice neutral. (Not so with my child when he's pushing it, the stern voice comes out). For most children I find that having an adult other than their own parent correct them tends to make a bit more of an impact. They become shy or embarrassed. And there's that old saying that it takes a village to raise your child and I know darn well in my neighborhood growing up that if I was caught doing something I shouldn't not only was I told to knock it off but my parents knew about if before I ever got home. But there are freaky parents out there that go ballistic when other people correct their children and then it just becomes horribly awkward. Also, I don't even like it when my Keenan's dad corrects him too harshly so if someone else is correcting my child I would hope for some restraint.

The other questions I have on the subject are how much should you push it? If you've asked for a behavior to be stopped and a child doesn't comply how far do you push it? Do you correct children other than yours in front of their parents or wait for their parents to step in? How far do you let it go when a parent isn't addressing a behavior before you step in? I don't know that I would be so quick to correct because their own parent should be doing it and I'm pretty sure that unless it's a major safety issue that if a child doesn't respond to a first comment on their behavior that I probably am not going to push it too much but maybe try to restructure the situation. Lastly, how close do you have to be to this child and/or the other parents, before you feel comfortable disciplining them?

I would just hope that Keenan grows up knowing that he better mind his p's and q's around any and all adults and sassiness and defiance are definitely not acceptable behaviors whether I'm around or not.

Opinions?

Before I was a mom

For all you mom's out there....do you remember when you were single, unencumbered, not responsible for another human being's life? Did you also accomplish NOTHING all day long like I did. I would swear back then that I had absolutely NO TIME to do anything. Between going out drinking, sleeping it off, fending off the hangover and barely being able to get up before 11 am I would have been hard pressed to be asked to do the things after 11 am that I can now accomplish before 8 am. I remember being too busy to go to the gym...yeah, because I had, what? To sleep? Too lazy was more like it! That's not to say I was a total slacker. Before I became a mom I went to school, got my Master's degree, and worked at least 2 jobs at a time. Plus, did I mention the going out and drinking? I had my hobbies which included dog agility with my poor neglected puppies who used to be "just like children" to me (I'm embarrassed I was ever that person!) But goodness! Now, I can get myself up, showered, dressed, fed, 4 dogs fed and pottied, one child up, snuggled, fed, read to, played with, showered, dressed, at least 3 times on the potty with sticker rewards and lunch packed, sippy cup filled and blankie found all before 8 am when we leave for work/daycare. If you had asked me before to do all that I would have laughed. And after work? Dinner, playing, reading, doing puzzles, remember to fill doggie water dishes, feeding dogs, letting them potty, remembering to pet each one, and then have to clean up and do bedtime routine. And between that...work...all day!

I suppose what I'm trying to say is, for all you mom's out there reading this post..KUDOS! We all deserve a fucking medal!

5 Questions about me....

My good friend posted this challenge on her blog. I decided this was a great way to jump start myself back into my blog which hasn't had a post since April. Honestly, I don't know how she does it (blogging daily) with three kids and I only have the one! Here goes...

1) What topic would you write your book about?

Easy...my friend Patty. She's hysterical, lands herself in the most unlikely situations, and cracks me up. I always tease her that I'm going to write a tell all book about her with dedicated chapters to some of our other friends and am keeping a list of stories to insert into the book. It's going to be called The Irish Princess. One of my favorite quotes from when she went to Coyote Ugly in Texas with one of our friends who injured her foot..."Hold my cane I want to dance on the bar!"

2) What is one of your guilty pleasures?

Ugh...total honesty? I'm still sleeping with my ex-husband. There's always one thing we got right. :)

3) What are some of the things you do to get yourself out of a bad mood?

Oddly enough I cry. Not sobbing but if I'm so frustrated and everything is going wrong a bit of a cry can be cathartic. I don't cry often though. If that doesn't work and I have the opportunity then I sleep. That's been my go-to coping mechanism since a very young age. By the time you wake up things are bound to be better.

4) How long do you think it will take the U.S. Economy to get back on track?

Out of recession? 3 years. Back to the level before the housing bubble popped? 10 years. Hopefully I'm wrong about this one.

5) Do you think there is a fine line between creepy and romantic?

Uh, definitely! Romance can quickly cross over to stalkerville if done wrong. And considering that I'm a single mom and would consider someone letting me sleep in till I want in the morning and then let me kick back with my people and a diet pepsi after that to be a very romantic gesture...less is more.

Medea strikes again!

I had dinner tonight with my "Medea". Again, she cracks me up. She told my son tonight that when this kid pushes him in the back at daycare he should hit him back and that she'd show him how to do it so he won't leave a mark on him. It's good that he's 2 and doesn't really do what she says yet. I love her. She also told me that me saving my ex-husband who was swimming with me in Cabo from drowning wouldn't have happened if he were with a black woman because 1) they wouldn't have gone swimming and 2) a black woman would have told him up front that he "didn't see rescue written on her forehead" and that he was on his own. Point taken. She also doesn't like water much like she's terrified of cats. She can shower but that's it. No ponds, pools, lakes, streams, oceans, water hoses...you get the picture. I love her. However, she caused me great grief and horror tonight!

So, I walk in to my mom's house where my mom is laying out the ingredients for our salad bar we're having for dinner tonight. I'm only half listening to the conversation. They're talking about lord knows what because, you know, I'm not really listening. In psychology there's this thing known as the cocktail phenomenon. That's when even if you're in a crowded room, for example, at a cocktail party, there are certain things that will grab your attention no matter what. A prime example is when you're having a conversation in a busy room but all of a sudden you realize that someone has said your name. This is because your brain is hardwired to pay attention to something like that. As parents, I think we engage in this ALL the time. We listen half-heartedly to the CONSTANT chatter that comes out of our children's mouths and may mumble an unh huh from time to time. But there are things that will snap us back to full attention. Things like, "blood", "fire", or complete and utter silence. Here's something else that I found would snap me back to full attention.

MY 61 YEAR OLD MOTHER AND MY 60 YEAR OLD MEDEA HAVING A CONVERSATION ABOUT TEABAGGING!!!! WTF??!! WHY in the hell are they talking about teabagging? And then I realize that neither one really knows what the hell it is. My mother thought it had something to do with the Boston Tea Party. (Ground swallow me whole now and help me cough the rest of that diet pepsi out of my lungs that I inhaled when MY MOTHER said teabagging). Wanna know what makes this worse?? My mother has the worst memory on the planet. This is actually the SECOND time I've had to explain teabagging to her, the first being after my dumbass nephew said something about it in front of her and then refused to tell her what it was. She pestered me to no end. I even called my sister to try to make her tell her what it was. Nope...I did it. I explaind it to her...twice! Talk about an awkward conversation. In the end, Medea wanted to know why anyone would go to all that trouble instead of just getting straight to the point.

G*d I love that woman!

My Own Personal Medea

I have this friend who I’ve know since I was probably four years old. She’s worked with my mom for as long as I have a memory and has always been a favorite of my mom’s friends. She is hysterically funny. I’m talking pee pee in my pants funny especially since a baby came out of my verginny and I have a marked decrease of control in that area. She is an older black woman who is just the kind of influence that a young black boy in this world will need growing up. This is something my personal young black boy will not get from his biological grandmother. My son LOVES this friend. He doesn’t warm up to many people but he really adores her. She teaches him all kinds of naughty stuff. She’s taught him how to sword fight with knives in a restaurant across the table and has exposed him to many swear words he doesn’t get at home. Lucky for my son, she loves him right back. If left to their own devices I could picture the two of them stealing a car and driving cross country while shoplifting at convenience stores along the way to keep their fill of junk food at hand. Of course, this would have to happen when Keenan is much older. I’ve never known her to be dishonest or to be a thief…it’s just that I envision this in a “what happens in the movies that are funny and have a happy ending with no consequences” sort of way.

Last night she came over for dinner and told us two of the funniest stories I’ve heard in a long time. These stories have convinced me that her neighbors must think she’s crazy. Mainly, they’ve convinced me that she’s my own personal Medea. This friend, who I adore, apparently got the idea that since she lives alone and sometimes works late at night and walks to and from her car in the dark that she would need some form of personal protection. Normal people buy a whistle or pepper spray or mace. She bought a Taser. Yes, a TASER! Apparently you can buy that sort of thing off the internet and it comes with a handy 30 day return policy. I only know about the return policy because this particular Taser ended up being returned. A Taser you buy off the internet has the ability of shocking someone with anywhere from 100,000 to 400,000 volts of electricity. (I don’t know if this is even possible but it’s what she reported..it’s her story). In any case, she was showing it off to her neighbor one day all vigilante style and just as he said “I think you’re holding it at the wrong end” she tasered herself. Seriously…I’m not even sure how that happens. Isn’t there supposed to be some kind of trigger you have to pull or button you have to push at the other end of the taser to activate it? I asked her if it hurt and she looked at me like I should get my head out of my ass and said that she dropped it instantly and that just that little shock cleared up her sore throat and her earaches but gave her a headache instead. In her words, her brain’s been scrambled since. I suggested she take a self-defense course.

I know a lot of people who have certain phobias or fears. One of my friend’s husband is deathly afraid of escalators. I know plenty of claustrophobics and I can bet 100 bucks that I can point out 5 people in my immediate circle who are afraid of spiders. I myself have a foot phobia. My feet are fine, Keenan’s feet are fine…all other feet make me nauseous. I’m convinced that the day I meet the man whose feet don’t make me gag a little I will have met my soul mate. I remember on one season of the Real World one girl had a crippling fear of a large moving steel objects…of course they lived in a Marina with cruise ships constantly passing by. In any case, most of these fears are directly related to unpleasant things. This friend who I adore has an INTENSE phobia……of cute little fluffy furry CATS. Um, yeah, CATS. Again, a reason why she’s the crazy neighbor on her street….. So one night she was ready for bed and realized she had forgotten to put her garbage cans out for the next day’s garbage pick up. Since it was late she thought it would be safe to sneak out of the house in her skivvies and her bathrobe and wheel her cans to her curb. She apparently believed she’d be in stealth mode and could sneak back in her house unnoticed. It really was a good plan and who hasn’t done something like that. Until “the incident”. Little life lesson…don’t leave your door slightly ajar when you’re taking your garbage cans to the curb. Unbeknownst to my friend a cat had slipped into her house without her knowing it. Not realizing she was entering a closed, confined space with a (DUNH DUNH DUNH) CAT she went inside thinking all was well and stealth mode was pretty cool. All of a sudden, she saw the cat and the cat saw her. In my mind I haven’t decided which was the most freaked out. The cat went berserk flying around the room knocking things off walls and shelves. My friend started screaming bloody murder at the top of her lung and started running wildly around the room. Fight or flight had kicked in for both of them and neither of them wanted to fight but neither one could accomplish the flight either. In her panic she apparently had forgotten how to open a door. Her neighbors upon hearing this commotion apparently assumed she was being attacked. At least that is what they told the police when they called them. Three separate neighbors, one with a baseball bat and two with shovels came rushing to her side to quell her would be attacker just as the police with lights and sirens in full effect came screeching around the corner to her house. At this point she apparently remember how to turn a doorknob and fled the house in all her skivvied glory with her robe flying behind her. I asked her what she said to the police. She said they asked her what was the problem and after telling them she said they went in to do a sweep of the house to try to oust the attack cat for her. I’ve learned three things from this story…1) always wear a pad around my friend when she’s telling stories, 2) I really want neighbors like that and 3) the police have GOT to have a wall of fame for their funniest or weirdest calls.

I hope the adoration lasts

So I guess I get it now when young girls say they want to get pregnant so they'll have someone to love them. This is a totally screwed up thing to do. Being a parent is the hardest thing on earth requiring superhuman amounts of patience and self-control. It' s a lameass irresponsible reason to have a baby. But I do get it because really, I hope the adoration lasts. My little man is a gem among toddlers. Yes he can be willful and boy is he B-O-S-S-Y!!! But it's those little moments of unsolicited affection and care for others that just gets me. Like, when he stands behind me on the couch and gives me little backrubs with his tiny little hands. Or, when he holds my hair dryer for me in the morning. I love when he's standing on the counter and we're brushing our teeth together and he drapes and arm over my shoulder and pats me on the back. And it's so sweet how sometimes at night when I'm snuggling him into bed he'll put his blanket over me and say "tuck tuck tuck" as he pats the blanket around me and then grabs my face in his hands and gives me little kisses. Seriously, how damn cute is that?! I know someday, sooner than I will like, he'll be embarassed to be seen with me (a condition I plan on making the most of by the way in terms of all the evil things I'm going to think to do in public) and then he'll be unwilling to talk to me because he'll be a sullen, stinky boy, teenager. But man is he sweet now. This most be how all babies are....makes sense for why more of us don't kill our young! ;)

The look of an angel...the mind of a devil!!

Sunday is typically the day that Keenan's dad is able to come and visit him. Since he doesn't spend a whole lot of time with him, relatively speaking, he sometimes isn't wise to Keenan's little shenanigans. This is why I found it INCREDIBLY funny tonight when Keenan was sitting on his dad's lap and his dad and I were having a conversation about something and all the while Keenan was sticking his finger up his nose and wiping it on his dad's cheek. I finally couldn't stifle my laughter (and yes I know all that does is encourage them but sometimes it just can't be helped) and decided to let his dad know what he was up to. To his credit he handled it well and proceeded to wipe off his cheek with a baby wipe while I laughed myself to tears behind my book.

Man I love that kid!